Home is where I want him.

Today was ok, didn't hear from John when I really wanted to. Especially after yesterday. As much as he upset me..I just want him home. I love that boy with all I have and would give anything to be with him. I hope he knows that. I know it's been a bad couple of days..but I'm patient, I try to understand. I know it's tough being thousands of miles away from home, but I'm always here. I'm always willing to listen and comfort and of course tell you I love you. I'm letting this one slide in hopes that there wont be another bad situation like that. I don't want to argue with him on deployment, it's not ok considering I know things are hard for him. But I don't want him to be in a cranky ass mood either and be a jerk (YEAH, I said JERK, cause you know you were bein' one!).
I love him.

Could be worse.

So..it's been a crappy couple of days. I talked to John and was pissed, he sent me flowers, then I felt bad. Then today..well had a bad phone conversation. It never ends does it? I guess I should learn to deal with it..

Still very upset.

This is my first time experiencing this but I really am upset about it..I mean the least he could've done was to have said hello. I haven't heard from him since Monday. I'm so upset that I just want to cry. This is gay (no pun intended, I'm very irritated). I mean there are of course a few options..he could have thought that he was going to get to the phone's after and just couldn't, could have got online..and just didn't say anything or he could be on blackout. I'm annoyed beyond means..and maybe I shouldn't be but I really am and I can't help it. Fuck everything right now..

I'm more than upset.

He logged on and didn't even send me a message..I'm pissed. VERY VERY VERY PISSED.

It's almost here.

The six month mark for John and I is just around the corner (like next week). This is just a quick blog. Not much is going on. Haven't heard from John much and it's hotter than hell outside. I'm sweating so grossly I don't even care anymore..well that's cause I'm in workout clothes but ANYHOW. So I'm about to go endure a long running workout. I'm gunna die but it's worth it! Health is important and my health isn't the best. Besides..December's in three months(: I wanna be gorgeous. Other than that I just have a shit ton of homework to do. And a system's theory paper to work on.

AT&T can kiss my ass.

So our bill statement popped up today for this last phone period and said that we used 4000 minutes and that 2000 of them were mine. I know for a FACT that's bullshit and I'm more than a little irritated. I hate AT&T and they just charged us a $540 bill. I have a feeling it's from John calling and that really pisses me off considering my boyfriend PAYS to call me. I shouldn't have to be CHARGED to receive the call. He's doing his country a service. Fuck AT&T. Apparently you haven't heard of the US MILITARY SERVICE serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. They shouldn't even have to pay to call home. And this isn't really the first time AT&T has fucked us on a bill that was not our fault due to some rule about policy change and bullshit. Honestly, AT&T can die. I hate it even if it has a decent plan and nice phones.
Other than AT&T being a huge pain in the ass..I haven't heard from John today. I miss him. Hope he calls soon.

I just noticed this..but this is the 11th post of September so it says September (11) in the sideline for other posts..creepy:/ haha.

He's coming home!

Yes..my excitement went through the roof this morning when John called at five and said I'll be home for Christmas. Omgomgomg. I love that boy. I can't wait for him to be here(:! So..I'm actually on my lunch break. I have to go back in like 15mins and I'm probably selling my truck today for $2500 which I think isn't too bad considering how old it is. But Toyota's hold value pretty well. I wont be getting a car for awhile which means I'll be stuck on the bus or carpooling. Which is fine, it saves me in gas. Not to mention..I can now go buy some winter clothes with about $200. Maybe I'll do that today. Today has officially been a month since John's deployment or at least what I consider the first day since he left on it. We've almost been together six months..I honestly can't believe it seeing as he is my longest relationship. John's an amazing person..the sweetest and nicest boy I've ever been with. He's driven and determined to be his best and to make our life together better than he would say his was. If I could list the reasons why I'm with John I think that this would fall into the number one spot. And two being that he's willing to accept me for who I am. The random often difficult and physically unable to walk a straight line on flat ground without tripping girl. I would never pass a sobriety test..sober. Sad. Three being that he has this awesome personality, funny and serious when needed. And a smile to die for. Not to mention..he is pretty sexy haha. There are really too many things to list about John that I love. I love everything about him..even the most irritating things, which there aren't really many. Well..I guess one. Drinking. that's most annoying. Other than that..not really anything. He doesn't drink too often anymore anyhow. There really isn't anything not to like. He's amazing.

Phone calls.

Seems John is getting into the habit of calling me at three o' clock in the morning. Not that I'm complaining but DAMN THAT'S EARLY. He called today. Man..I miss him. Not much is really going on. He still has his Guard shifts so I know just about when he'll call. It's still pretty sporadic but not as much as before. Today's a cleaning day I suppose. The house is a disaster. Not surprising when I'm gone for the night. I might write some more letters today to send out next week. I need to find more Ampad blue paper:/ and Walmart doesn't have it anymore. That's really upsetting. I like my blue paper. It's amazing. This is a lot of homes: clicky really. As you can tell North Carolina is a hell of a lot cheaper than California. I talked to John about me coming out to NC when he gets back from deployment and we could check out some homes. Don't know if he went for that. Sometimes I wonder..he reassures me that this is what he wants but I guess, I always have my doubts because it's reality. People change in a year. I guarantee I will. For better I believe. Maybe I think too much? That's likely. I'm a really difficult person I suppose. Often on guard and closed off. There was a point when I knew it bothered John so much that I thought he'd say he couldn't do this. I hope it never gets to that. I should just be more open. Of anyone, I should be most comfortable with him and I don't believe it's about comfort. It's just how I am. I don't like to talk about my problems. Should probably work on it. I probably wont be getting a call or anything until tomorrow. I got both a call and some messenger time. Which John said he wanted to get a Bronco which personally I think isn't a wise decision. We're better off with a Honda that at least can get the gas mileage. But how do I say that? I can't tell him no..it's his money that he's earning on deployment but I just don't think it's a good decision for a car. I mean for one, gas isn't cheap. Two, I wouldn't be getting a truck then, which is fine. I'm good with a car. And three..really? A Bronco babe? Really? No. I think we're better off with a nice Honda which at least will last us longer than the Bronco. Broncos are gross looking anyhow. Haha.

Applications.

I feel I'm getting an addiction for blogging. That could be unhealthy. I'd like to just say, job applications suck. Like really suck. I hate them. They take too long and then you make the effort to finish them and for what? To not get the job? NOT COOL.
I miss my baby): JohnathanAdamSilva, you need to come home.

I procastinate, I'm sorry.

I'm a fatty and I need to go running. YEAH, I just said fatty. I've gained weight. That's just ridiculous. John's going to think I'm hideous..I suck.

Day 24.

Yeah so John called me early Sunday morning (like 5:30am my time). He's got guard shifts now from 8pm-12am so I can assumed that he will call in the morning from now on, although he never ceases to surprise me. I get calls at random hours. He called this morning of course to say he loved me but I was in Chemistry and needed to go back. Haha. John reads my blogs and as you can imagine he read the last post I had where everything was really kinda crappy. He reassured me that nothing was going to change in a year and that he will always love me. Of course you know, this made me feel amazing. I love John with all my heart and it makes me feel wonderful knowing he feels the same way. I can't wait for him to be home(:

My worst fear.

Pondering my thoughts today that a year in reality is a very long time..and a lot can change. What if in a year's time..what if he doesn't love me the same, doesn't feel the same? I would be utterly broken):
I miss my baby..so, so very much. And I love him. I just hope he misses me and loves me as much as I love and miss him.

A day of remembrance.

As many of you are well aware, today is September 11th, a day of sorrow and sadness in the United States. It was just eight years ago that the two twin towers were struck in New York by terrorists. Well over 2,000 civilians and emergency personnel lost there lives that day. The news is flooded with the news of the attacks. There is a range of stories based on it. From remembering the tragedy to how to teach your kids? I believe everyone needs to remember. They need to remember why we are where we are and the respect needs to be shown to the troops serving. Not many do so. I have several friends serving as of now, one of which is a close friend of my mother's. And after the attacks he immediately joined the war surge. A close friend of my own served during the first surge of Operation Iraqi Freedom and is still currently serving now. He's done two tours to Iraq, his third, Afghanistan (presumed) may be next March.
Also there is still a debate going as to whether or not more troops will be sent to Afghanistan. What I believe is likely to happen, is soldiers whose deployments are for Iraq, will be changed to Afghanistan and those who come back from Iraq can expect their next tours to be to Afghanistan as well.
I haven't heard from John too much. Today was when they were supposed to be moving. I heard from him Wednesday in the morning..it was a 22 second phone call. Enough to tell me he had to go and that he loved me. Uhh. I miss that boy. Things have been relatively fine though. Still no word on whether or not he's got his leave or not and I don't expect to find out anytime soon. I'll be able to send John's letters out next week. So that'll be great. I still have a few to finish up. I also need to start figuring out care packages. It takes about a months time to get mail. So food would have to be non-perishable.
Not much else to say other than, remember the fallen and support the troops. Without them, we would not be possible.

2:35am

So I've heard from John on a seemingly more regular basis. I'm not exactly sure how long that will last after the 11th though. He sent me a message at 2:35 in the morning! I was sleeping:/ but he's the only person I would never mind being woken up by although I wished it would have been personally and not through a text message. But, we can't have what we want all the time. I still need to finish up some letters to send after the 11th. My mom will probably be working on a care package soon..which reminds me. I need to take some pictures((: Few more months till December! I'm so excited. I can't wait for him to be here.

Day 16.

So yesterday on my way to Roseville to help my good friend move back to Gridley I got a phone call from John(: indeed my excitement level hit the roof. Although I had a scare. The call cut out right when I answered and I literally BEGGED to my phone, "PLEASE CALL BACK." And he did. YEAH(:

Alright so the 11th is still on for moving and we're working on calling options. So far our option is Spawar. Although 80 cents a minute seems a little pricey to me, but it's much better than certain options which can range from $1.40 to $2.70 (per minute). We talked about an hour or so..god you never know how much you miss someone until your conversation starts to sound like they used to. And then of course you realize: but wait, he's in Iraq. Not Fort Bragg, NC.
He said he'd try to call today but I didn't get anything. I'm not actually upset about it though. I believe that good hour of talk we got in yesterday helped. And I'm sure some of you are curious as to what John looks like (and if he ever looks at my blog again haha, he might get mad) here's a picture:
Aww, look at that(: man I love that boy. He just needs to come home soon. And if he gets his leave during Christmas he should be here for 15 days starting the 20th of December. I'm debating on whether or not I wanna go camping, and I believe I do. We have a few options but it seems the girl's boys might be home from deployments at about the same time so we've talked about going to the coast for a few days. And I don't know about you, but the coast is beautiful in the winter time.

As you can imagine.

Things were going well. I talked to John earlier through messenger and he's doing fun, although I missed his call today): DAMN. I still haven't gotten much word as to whether not the 11th's plans are in full scale yet. John and I have been together 5 months today. And we've got a hell of a lot more to go! If you're watching the news, there may be another 28,000 troops sent to Afghanistan. Maybe even some will head to Iraq as well. Not much is going on, tomorrow's my day off. I may go check out a few horses, but with a loss of hours at work it seems unlikely I will be acquiring one now. Not only that but the winter months are coming up. Not much time to ride after that. I guess I'm doing relatively well. Something a friend said earlier struck me as, well, sensible. "When they leave on deployment, it's kinda sad. But what's sadder is you get used to them being gone." And it's so true.