If I said that I was ok, I was lying.
If I gave you the impression I was strong, I'm sorry you were fooled.
If I keep repeating "it wont be like this for long," it's likely I don't believe it.
If I tell you I'm ok when you think I'm not, chances are you're right.
If you feel the need to ask me "what's wrong?," more likely than not, something is.
If I tell you I haven't cried lately, chances are I am right now.
If I tell you I want you home and you say "why?," I'll say because I said so.
If I tell you "because I said so," most likely it translates to: because I love you.
If I tell you I miss you, I hope you feel it.
If I tell you I need you, I hope you understand it.
If I tell you I love you, you better remember it.
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
Why is this taking so damn long?
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
The truth is, I will do anything to be there for you, be with you, be beside you and love you. And no, these last 52 days haven't been great, wonderful, amazing or grand by any means. Really? They have fucking sucked. I'm not a strong person and really right now I'm not even ok. I miss you all the time. Sometimes it impedes more into my school life. I stop concentrating, stop focusing and start thinking. All in all, I haven't been 100% ok. I do my best to hide it because I know it's hard for you too. But I've found I cry a hell of a lot more. I hate the words: Army, Iraq, Afghanistan and Military. I think I've cried more in the last 52 days than in the last 6 months. But I try to be strong for you. Because it is really an obligation as the Army girlfriend. And yes on my list of importance you rank first next to my family because you are part of my family and have been since you came home. And yes, school is important but is second best to you. I'm sure there are times you've missed on the phone how upset I've been since you deployed because once again I'm trying to be strong and personally failing miserably. And yes, when I say I want you home and you say I know..it doesn't make things any easier. I know you wanna be home too. I don't know how hard it is for you being so far away but then again you can't understand my point of view either..we can only find common ground at I love you, I miss you, I wish you were home (or I wish I was home). And I was entirely honest when I said telling me not to worry is like telling me not to breathe. I worry about you all the time, it's my job, what I do and I'd feel wrong if I didn't so PLEASE, do NOT, tell me not to worry. And right now I'm just in bed wishing you were here to hold me while I slept..and since you're not I probably wont be getting much sleep at all. I miss you calling me babe..even if it was just over the phone or even if it was just typed. I really miss it. And I know you'll read this blog and you're probably going to feel bad about leaving but don't. It's your job, you're duty and if I remember correctly you wanted to go while at the same time not wanting to leave. I guess this is something I need to grow used to since it wont be the last time. And it wont get easier. I will never fully accept you being away, even if I may grow accustomed to it.
All in all, I guess I'm getting at this: I love you. I miss you. I want you to come home. Don't feel bad, I'm always here, even if I may not be the strongest Army girlfriend out there.
If I gave you the impression I was strong, I'm sorry you were fooled.
If I keep repeating "it wont be like this for long," it's likely I don't believe it.
If I tell you I'm ok when you think I'm not, chances are you're right.
If you feel the need to ask me "what's wrong?," more likely than not, something is.
If I tell you I haven't cried lately, chances are I am right now.
If I tell you I want you home and you say "why?," I'll say because I said so.
If I tell you "because I said so," most likely it translates to: because I love you.
If I tell you I miss you, I hope you feel it.
If I tell you I need you, I hope you understand it.
If I tell you I love you, you better remember it.
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
Why is this taking so damn long?
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
It wont be like this for long.
The truth is, I will do anything to be there for you, be with you, be beside you and love you. And no, these last 52 days haven't been great, wonderful, amazing or grand by any means. Really? They have fucking sucked. I'm not a strong person and really right now I'm not even ok. I miss you all the time. Sometimes it impedes more into my school life. I stop concentrating, stop focusing and start thinking. All in all, I haven't been 100% ok. I do my best to hide it because I know it's hard for you too. But I've found I cry a hell of a lot more. I hate the words: Army, Iraq, Afghanistan and Military. I think I've cried more in the last 52 days than in the last 6 months. But I try to be strong for you. Because it is really an obligation as the Army girlfriend. And yes on my list of importance you rank first next to my family because you are part of my family and have been since you came home. And yes, school is important but is second best to you. I'm sure there are times you've missed on the phone how upset I've been since you deployed because once again I'm trying to be strong and personally failing miserably. And yes, when I say I want you home and you say I know..it doesn't make things any easier. I know you wanna be home too. I don't know how hard it is for you being so far away but then again you can't understand my point of view either..we can only find common ground at I love you, I miss you, I wish you were home (or I wish I was home). And I was entirely honest when I said telling me not to worry is like telling me not to breathe. I worry about you all the time, it's my job, what I do and I'd feel wrong if I didn't so PLEASE, do NOT, tell me not to worry. And right now I'm just in bed wishing you were here to hold me while I slept..and since you're not I probably wont be getting much sleep at all. I miss you calling me babe..even if it was just over the phone or even if it was just typed. I really miss it. And I know you'll read this blog and you're probably going to feel bad about leaving but don't. It's your job, you're duty and if I remember correctly you wanted to go while at the same time not wanting to leave. I guess this is something I need to grow used to since it wont be the last time. And it wont get easier. I will never fully accept you being away, even if I may grow accustomed to it.
All in all, I guess I'm getting at this: I love you. I miss you. I want you to come home. Don't feel bad, I'm always here, even if I may not be the strongest Army girlfriend out there.
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