Working downtown has its perks, get to meet a lot of people from your town. They tend to come in saying, "Hi, my name is _______." Then I tell them my name and their prompt response is what's your last name? When I respond...they assume I'm related to his family and that family...yeah definitely not. I wasn't even born here.
But of course where there are perks, there are downfalls. Where I'm from, the town is small. Less than six thousand people. And we're sandwiched in between two 50,000+ population cities as well as an hour from the capital. not many know about our town...in fact when I say I live there, they say "Where??" Yeah, not surprising in the least.
So as you can imagine in our slow economy, not much happens downtown. It's relatively quiet. Code for: boring. I mean yeah, I like the small town setting. It's nice and quiet but to each his own. Working a boring job doesn't help either. 10am-5:30pm every Thursday, With nothing to do but think, eat and hope people walk in and buy overly-priced items. Sometimes I'm lucky and people will come in and browse (maybe buy) or friends will come in and keep me company for a short time. But most days are spent sitting in a chair listening to classical music...thinking.
And here comes the problem: in these fragile last few days before he leaves, thinking and being along is the last thing I want. What seemed surreal and so far away is now at my doorstep pestering for a way in...constantly reminding me that in five days time he'll be on a plane to Iraq. And I'll be home...feeling an all bit lost for a little while. But I guess this is to be expected. I mean I entered into this relationship informed that in a few months time he would be gone for a 12-month tour to Iraq. And I thought about it but not so much as I do now. And the closer it got the more nervous I became.
I found myself doing research. "How do you deal with deployment?" How do you deal with something you will never grow used to? How will you ever prepare yourself? And at such a young age when I'm only just beginning to find myself, I'm approached with a situation that many in their later years can't even fathom. And when people ask and I tell them my boyfriend is in the U.S. Army deploying to Iraq they look at me in such pity and say, "I'm so sorry," like I may just crumple right there about my situation.
What reaction can I give them other than, "I'm proud of what he's doing. I can't wait for him to come home." I don't want to be pitied for a conscious decision I made and stepped into. Don't get me wrong there are nights where I lay awake and break down. And he hasn't even left yet. But this situation isn't easy and I don't expect it to be.
But of course where there are perks, there are downfalls. Where I'm from, the town is small. Less than six thousand people. And we're sandwiched in between two 50,000+ population cities as well as an hour from the capital. not many know about our town...in fact when I say I live there, they say "Where??" Yeah, not surprising in the least.
So as you can imagine in our slow economy, not much happens downtown. It's relatively quiet. Code for: boring. I mean yeah, I like the small town setting. It's nice and quiet but to each his own. Working a boring job doesn't help either. 10am-5:30pm every Thursday, With nothing to do but think, eat and hope people walk in and buy overly-priced items. Sometimes I'm lucky and people will come in and browse (maybe buy) or friends will come in and keep me company for a short time. But most days are spent sitting in a chair listening to classical music...thinking.
And here comes the problem: in these fragile last few days before he leaves, thinking and being along is the last thing I want. What seemed surreal and so far away is now at my doorstep pestering for a way in...constantly reminding me that in five days time he'll be on a plane to Iraq. And I'll be home...feeling an all bit lost for a little while. But I guess this is to be expected. I mean I entered into this relationship informed that in a few months time he would be gone for a 12-month tour to Iraq. And I thought about it but not so much as I do now. And the closer it got the more nervous I became.
I found myself doing research. "How do you deal with deployment?" How do you deal with something you will never grow used to? How will you ever prepare yourself? And at such a young age when I'm only just beginning to find myself, I'm approached with a situation that many in their later years can't even fathom. And when people ask and I tell them my boyfriend is in the U.S. Army deploying to Iraq they look at me in such pity and say, "I'm so sorry," like I may just crumple right there about my situation.
What reaction can I give them other than, "I'm proud of what he's doing. I can't wait for him to come home." I don't want to be pitied for a conscious decision I made and stepped into. Don't get me wrong there are nights where I lay awake and break down. And he hasn't even left yet. But this situation isn't easy and I don't expect it to be.
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