Drinking.

I have a very specific reason why I HATE when he drinks but I wont go into detail. And yeah, it's his last days here but it doesn't mean I have to approve of him drinking, EVER. I try to not be disappointed and irritated but after that last time it's hard. And this sick feeling is beginning to creep up on me.
It's horrible, it's hideous and I hate it.
It makes my chest hurt. My stomach ache. And I feel a serious depression. I wanna cry. Oh wait, I already have..and he's not even gone yet. It's just not fair..really it's not but yet I have to acknowledge the fact that I can't do anything and neither can he. It hurts to have him go. But to be optimistic, the faster he leaves, the faster he comes home. I still don't understand this, how to deal with it..There are times when I don't want to talk to him and at the same time I do. Because I love him but I just get so morbidly sad that it's not fair for him to talk to me this way.
Like right now for instance. I'm in this sick mood and part of me wants to just not even bother for conversation..because all I want to do is hole up in a blanket and cry.
But I'm supposed to be strong. And he may not think I need to be at this point, but everything in me says I should. Because he shouldn't have to see me this way..ever. It's not fair.
Not fair.
Not fair.
Not fair.
FML.