Dear John.

To start,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that yes, I want to be married to you. And I'm sorry that our point of views are not the same. I'm sorry you feel that everytime you get online I'm trying to poke at you with something.

It's not my intention.

These last few weeks have probably been the most stressful weeks I have faced. I thought it was bad enough when you left back to North Carolina and deployed to Iraq. I was wrong. I think something I do need to understand is that we still need room to grow. Things I am certain of is that I wholeheartedly want to be with you. I always do. I know you think getting married next year is too early..well ok. I wont argue with you. And that's why I had nothing to say this morning. I will agree with you. But that's just not how I feel. I've been ready to settle down for a long time and I'm sorry I can't exactly say you are right. I just have a different opinion.

But that doesn't change how I feel. I love you..and I will wait for you to be ready. Please know that. I do have some things I want to ask of you...

Don't spare my feelings. If you want to say something to me, say how it is, don't sugar coat it on my behalf because I'm your girlfriend and you love me. You're doing more harm than good. Be honest. Don't make promises you can't keep. You said a lot of things before you left to Iraq that were supposed to happen next year, that now, are likely to not. Just hope for the best. You've gotten better at that part.

When we have an argument..don't just get pissed off and leave the conversation. That doesn't solve a damn thing. It just makes it worse. It makes me think, gee, what else are you going to walk out on? Besides..I'm usually the one admitting I'm wrong. Even if there may be a time or two I definitely feel like I'm not. But I don't want to continue to argue and I just want you to say you love me and let it be.

Yes, I want you to tell me things. I want you to call me more than you send me IMs. Phone calls mean more to me than talking to you via internet. And don't make the "I don't know what to talk about" excuse. So what if it's the same thing everyday. I could care less. Hearing your voice is what matters to me.

This entire letter is about honesty. And I think I've been very honest. I'm telling you how I feel, to the bone. I will wait for you to be ready. I will love you as I always have. Always will. I wanna be with you.

You just come home to me. That's all I ask.

I love you John always&&forever,

Meagan