I don't understand.

I've been becoming rather irritated at a vast amount of things lately. Things I thought would never have bothered me, do. I don't understand this. Maybe it's the stress of my life situation, maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe it's recent events? One thing has remained consistent I suppose, I love John and I wanna be with him. Lack of a timeline to tell me when things are going to happen is scary. Maybe it's that..I'm not used to this "unknown." That today..could be so significantly different than tomorrow? I'm at a loss. If today is different than tomorrow, then how different is today from next year the same time? One more year grown up. One more year of experience. Then knowing the things I want..or should do..or whatever?
If I could make a list..no, maybe not if..no particular order, well maybe as to the exception of number one and two of course.

• John
  
• John to come home.
• Have my Pharmacy Tech license
• For once, lie in the same bed as John. "so i can rest my head right here on your shoulder, i just wanna lay here and feel ya breathe, listen to the rhythm of your heartbeat"
• Have that "feeling"
• Learn the true meaning of "financial stability"
• Be ok with the "when we're financially stable" argument
• When do you even know you're financially stable? What if you always worry about money? Then..you always make an excuse for a situation. Where's that go?
• Go to bed, every night, in your arms
• Wake up to you with a smile every morning, like it's supposed to be
• Tell the Army they can SUCK IT
  
• Discover my purpose in life
• Make someone else's, animal or person, life..better
• I want a snowflake necklace...seriously
• Learn the difference between the things I should worry about and the things I shouldn't
• Come out of my shell [shut up, I try (love you(:)]
• Be an Ag teacher!
• To see you get down on one knee and ask
• Be satisfied
• Get a chocolate lab puppy(: please?
• To be on your page (just do it)
• Learn the entire bone structure of the horse
• Know what lameness looks like
• Adopt a wild horse
• Have a home together (what I want most)
• HAVE AN IPHONE!(:
• Grow a garden (successfully)
• I want this (well maybe not specifically but something similar)
  

This is it so far..