Pros vs Cons. part one

Remember back when you had to write persuasive essays and you had to make that damn list of pros and cons? And usually whichever side you took tended to have more pros (or cons if you chose that)? Then as you grew older the pro/con list became a part of life. Or should have. Where each situation should have been evaluated with a list of pros and cons. Wish I could say I utilize that method, but I don't. I tend to be the type that dives head first without a thought.
In these first few months of deployment I've had a fair share of doubts..and I've felt that my mind is slightly more wrapped around this situation. But with it..the doubts became real. The promises grew distant and what I was told before has in an essence..changed. And being told that it's something I have to get used to doesn't initially fly with me. I shouldn't HAVE to get used to anything. But maybe that's a selfish thought? I chose this. I should be able to deal with it. But quite honestly I just wanna push it aside like a piece of paper to procrastinate upon. Life isn't so easy to brush to the side. I'm this type of person. Quite honestly I'd rather avoid conflict and pretend it never happened. I've learned that it's not easy to do that, nor right on my part or to the person I'm avoiding the conflict with. This is why it's harder for me to say what's wrong..why I much rather say nothing than honestly say what's bothering me. Sometimes this is because I'm afraid of what you're thinking. How you'll take it..or maybe it'd just spark an argument I don't want to get into. I told you I'd work on it, and I have to the best of my ability but asking someone to change what is so deeply ingrained isn't so easy. In fact, it's like changing a lifestyle.